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I was at a dinner party the other night when a ten and twelve year came to the table to join us. It was well past their bed-time, and their parents had brought them along to play with a few of the other children with the clear directive: “Leave mummy and daddy in peace to eat our dinner with the grown-ups.”

Little June and Freddie did not leave mummy and daddy in peace. Instead they plonked themselves down and started interrupting the adult conversation. Not only did the parents allow this to continue, ending dialogue which now had to be edited to make it child safe, but they actually started engaging their children. “Well, what do you think about xyz?”

Throughout the night other people’s “mini-me’s” including my own, approached the table. Most were allowed to sit, interject and disrupt. Mine was sent off to play with the stern warning: “This is my time now, please leave the adults to eat.” Whereupon I was glared at by other parents for my unkindness.

But I need to pose these questions: since when has it become popular to include precocious ten-year-olds in dinner-party conversation, and is it appropriate behaviour? When I was young, we children played together and never dared intrude on parents’ social time. Yes, it is healthy for kids to offer opinions and contribute. But parents seem blissfully unaware of when to allow this to happen.

Meanwhile, we all know adults who are literally controlled by their very young kids: “Johnny doesn’t like reading books, so I don’t make him,” one parent told me the other day.

What then is being a parent? Experienced adults know that kids don’t like going to bed, doing homework, eating spinach, or wearing sun-block. But what’s ‘like’ got to do with it? In my day, such opinions were simply met with “bad luck”. You did what you were told or privileges were revoked. Now with healthy teeth and a set of school grades that won me the vocation I wanted, I thank my parents for their stern hand.

Parents who let kids dictate to them, or who endure limitless intrusion into their personal space, parents who allow endless hours on the Gameboy, all because “it’s what little Peaches wants”, need to assess the cost. The old adage: “Children should be seen and not heard” did profound damage to my generation. But that doesn’t justify heading too far in the opposite direction.

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“And how are you today?” says the checkout chick in a

All that can be heard over the din of traffic around the country is the new fave greeting: “And how are you today?” with the inquirer ignoring your reply. I was immune to this new trend until my daughter pointed it out. “Why do people keep asking how we are everywhere we go? It’s not as if anyone cares. They don’t even know us. Like, what if you told them the truth?”

She had picked it correctly. Without even knowing it we have turned into an American sitcom. These social niceties belong to U.S culture and the plethora of obsequious utterings was something I really hated whilst living there. The ultimate ‘plastic fantastic’ mantra “Have a nice day” hasn’t just crept into Australian lexicon, we have even improved on it. I’ve had people I don’t know turn to me and say with a big, sincere smile: “Have a really, really beautiful day!” as if they give a damn.

Or one dress-shop assistant who asked me recently: “Are you having a beautify day?” as I tried on some tight pants. I wanted to say: “Actually I’m premenstrual and that makes me really hot and cranky, and it makes my skin hurt so it’s difficult to try clothes on, and I bloat which makes me go up a whole size, so if you keep smiling at me in that nauseating way I will probably commit an act we’ll both regret.” Instead I just smiled back and drawled “Yeeeeees, thank you.”

There are many things we have inherited from other cultures that make life worthwhile – Italian cappuccinos, pizzas and European outdoor dining; Asian cuisine; English architecture, the American TV series The Sopranos, to name a few. But the false indifferent mantras of Ken and Barbie dolls is not something that should be imported nor encouraged. Next time some asks: “And how are you today?” while looking the other way, take your revenge by telling ‘em. 

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Sex

It’s now official: sex is good for you. Professors, doctors, and leading scientists at the International Conference on Healthy Ageing and Longevity which is held here in Australia each year but co-sponsored by such esteemed authorities as WHO the World Health Organisation were talking in the corridors about the intelligence of keeping the body juicy into older years.

One leading scientist I interviewed said he believed that sex was nature’s own way of boosting estrogen and testosterone levels in menopausal women and ageing males. “It stands to reason that when you are sexually active the body recognises the need for certain sex hormones to be produced,” explained US-based Dr Bradley Wilcox whose work with centenarians and people healthy into their 100s is internationally acclaimed. These oldies themselves credited intimacy alongside good diet with their longevity.

Speaker at conference, Australian sex therapist Jo-Anne Baker, said: “A recent study revealed that those who had sex an average of four times a week looked and felt ten years younger than those who had less sex due to production of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals.”

Baker acknowledged that most couples with young kids, mortgage woes, exhausting work schedules or suffering from the boredom of long-term relationships, found it difficult to feel “in the mood” once a week let alone four times. Especially given that libido declines with age.

But she said that people needed to explore appetite stimulants to create the urge. These included fantasising, flirting, or erotic play. “People wanting longevity and good health can’t afford to let this area of life slip, even if they merely engage in self love.”

Research to come out of the conference showed that sex helped produce more neurons in the brains of mice, while Professor Marc Cohen from RMIT reminded us last years that rabbits cuddled by lab assistance lived 60 per cent longer than those who were not.

Touching the skin releases opiates, sex prompts the release of natural amphetamines which keep us stimulated and full of energy. There are also benefits associated with flushing of the skin, cleansing the lymphatic system, and something that molecular biologist, Prof Suresh Rattan from Denmark, calls “good stress” – short-term stress on the body through physical activity which helps the immune system to kick in.

Love, sex and intimacy are the things that make the world go around. In terms of health, sex like vegetables is something we can never have too much of.

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